I should start by saying that technically, I am still married. Papers have been filed, we are just waiting for the seal of approval. I met my husband (here on out, he will be referred to as the Ex-Pants) in college in 1996. He was dating a friend of mine. We became friends, then eventually roommates, so on and so forth. We bought a house, got engaged, and were married in April 2004. Since we are officially still married, we just "celebrated" 8 years of marriage.
Anyhoo, for the past few years, I wasn't happy. But I wasn't strong enough to do or say anything about it. Back then, I was a people-pleaser. About a year and a half ago, I was surrounded by some very strong and empowering women in my workplace. I knew what I had to do, and I was finally able to do it. In May of 2012, I left. I had just quit my job (yes, dumbest move on the face of the planet) and I packed my stuff and left. I don't think he was surprised. We had many lengthy conversations about our deteriorated marriage and we just couldn't come to a compromise on some major issues.
The hardest part (apart from the obvious) was not taking my son (then 4) with me. It is something that I have struggled with and cried about on a daily basis. But you see, to take him away from his only home, friends and school at that point would have been purely selfish on my part. Hell, I couldn't support myself. I had just turned 33 and was moving back home with momma. So instead of making my child suffer the consequences of our actions, I took the brunt myself. His little world was being flipped upside down enough in my opinion without having to move away from his home as well. Let me make this very clear...if the Ex-Pants was not a fantastic father, then E would have come with me no questions asked. But I do whole-heartedly believe that Ex-Pants is a wonderful father to our kiddo.
Fast forward to today. We've been separated for a year. The decision to get divorced wasn't made until November 2011. I really believed that maybe a little time apart would mend the cracks, but they were just too deep. Ex-Pants and I remain friends (honestly) and talk almost every day. The divorce should be final by the end of August at the very latest. I've spent the last year in therapy so that I don't make the same mistakes in my next relationship. By no means was I innocent or a victim to our problems. I was just as much a reason for the cracks as he was.
I still believe in happily ever after and have no doubt that there is someone out there for me. But it's time to stop being a people-pleaser and time to start being a me-pleaser.